We're facebook friends in real life
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
