While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
