I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
