Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
