The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
