anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I lost the right to judge tonight
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
