There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
