I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
