Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
