i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Alive.
So much puke
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
