i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
