this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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