He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
