I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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