My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
