they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize