Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
