I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My nipple is on Facebook.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
