when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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