Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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