If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
