drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
