I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
