If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
