Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
