is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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