No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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