as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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