As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
