OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
