he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
