bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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