found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
