Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
