Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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