if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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