dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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