Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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