found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
