sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
