i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize