She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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