I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
