My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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