he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
