I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
