textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
