So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
