hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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