my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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