If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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