If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
