the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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