I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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