First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
