God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
