HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
