Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
