I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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