there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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