I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
