I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
