my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
