why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
