so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Actions speak louder than pants.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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