I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize