Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
