you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
