please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
