I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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