dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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