This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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