He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
