Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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