I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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