just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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