i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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