I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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