so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
