In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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