I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
