you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
