9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
