so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
