I have demons in me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
