so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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