I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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