What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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